Today, I’m so excited to be here with up-and-coming author Sista E, who has a new release hitting bookshelves within the next few days, and Sista, I can’t thank you enough for being here.
Now, I have to start by gushing a little and asking the rhetorical question, how can anyone not admire a single mother who has raised two boys to men while working full-time, dealing with her own relationship issues, and on top of everything else, finds the time to do as much as you do for your family, your community and your church, and, still finds the time and desire to inspire and motivate others? Moreover, anyone who hasn’t completed the feat of writing a book and getting it to the stage of publication simply doesn’t comprehend the time and effort that goes into writing a book. So, my first question for you today is two-fold.
It’s obvious to anyone who knows you that your boys have been, and no doubt still are a huge focus of your daily life. So, how do you find the time to write, and what drives you?
You are such a wonderful person. Thank you very, very much. That’s actually a compliment on so many different levels.
My boys are now young men, and they’re each on their journey. I’m grateful to God for them and the life that we’ve had and the life that they’re building on their own, in their own individual way.
I find time to write in the early mornings or late at night after my day is complete. I’ll write in my journal as I reflect on the day’s events. I’ve been blessed enough to turn my journals into books. God continues to download to me while sleeping, and I’ll wake up and quickly add it to my notes on my cellphone. I’ll also copy a scripture while reading that particularly stands out to me. At various times I get downloads and quickly jot down notes, then sit down and add all of my notes to form a book.
What drives me to write is the need to not want any more women to go through what I’ve been through. Or to see a young mother with multiple children and no father. That really gets my heartstrings. I just want to hug her and let her know there is more to life than having kids. It lets me know there is more work to be done.
Another thing that drives me is watching these daytime talk shows and seeing that in 2022 folks still don’t know who the daddy is. It’s like, why when you could have prevented that? There are so many broken people, and for many, this brokenness started at a young age with a lack of love.
I hear you and your self-discipline to keep going, along with your faith and desire to do so much for others, is a testament to the woman you are. No doubt this shines in your boys as well.
You spend so much time inspiring others. Tell us, what inspires you?
I am inspired by boys and seeing them accomplish their goals. What also inspires me is finding ways to solve problems, help others, and right a wrong. I do not like to see injustice being done.
I’m right there with you on all of that.
And now that your boys have reached manhood, I imagine you’re taking more time to reach for some of your own aspirations. Have either of your boys expressed how they feel about your journey as an author?
My boys are young men now, ages eighteen and twenty-one. I don’t know if I’m ready to call them complete men yet (LOL), as that would mean my job is done and over.
I do believe they’re both proud of me. They have seen me set goals, and they have seen me fall. They’ve seen my mistakes, and they’ve also been there to see the good. They have seen how I’ve come back from those falls; they have seen how I make comebacks after difficult times.
I thank God for giving me the ability to be able to explain things to my boy so that they understand, and I’ve been able to show them as well as tell them how good God is and how God has had my back in every situation.
I believe they are proud of me. As for the books, yeah, they find the books interesting. One doesn’t want to read this next book because, of course, it’s stories about his mom, and the other has read parts of the manuscript, and he laughed. He also had lots of questions. I actually have a TikTok video of him reading some of the book.
I can say with complete confidence that even the one who doesn’t want to read this next one (and my children don’t read mine either, by the way) is just as proud of you as the other one.
Do you have any words of wisdom you’d like to impart to other single mothers contemplating the possibility of spreading their wings when they find themselves at that point in their lives when their baby chicks leave the nest?
I believe this phase is called an empty nest. Although I am very new to this empty-nest thing, I can say I am looking forward to all that comes my way, and so far, I’m enjoying it.
I will tell single mothers that will soon get to this level to enjoy where they currently are. Don’t let bills and stress become your daily focus. Allow your children to continue to be your focus. Enjoy the small moments and the big ones. Celebrate everything. Get extra hugs in, talk to them more, and don’t just fuss at them but actually talk to them. Have a conversation with them because soon they’ll be leaving your nest, and they’ll have less time for you. So, enjoy the moments. Have silly moments with your children on purpose!
Let them see some of the bad, and let them see you fall, but also let them see you get back up. That’s teaching them that it’s okay not to be perfect. It’s teaching them that sometimes mommy may make a mistake, but it’s also teaching them how to get back up from a mistake or a fall from a bad decision and remind your children that no matter what they do, you’ll always love them, and mean it when you say it to your children.
Let them feel confident in knowing that even though they may have messed up (because they’re going to mess up), let them feel confident that their mom will always love them no matter what.
We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all made some not-so-good decisions. But if you let your children see that you’re human, that does a lot for their confidence and their self-esteem.
When you’ve raised your children, and they take that step to go out on their own, rejoice. Enjoy your life—live your dream. You’ve done your job as a mom, now do your job for yourself and enjoy living.
Don’t let your children stick you with their children. Yes, babysit, but learn to say no. Learn that no is a complete sentence and that me time is not a dirty word. It’s a self-care word. Use those words. And begin to celebrate you more. Life is short. Why not take this time and be you? Do you. Enjoy you.
Such wonderful advice. You packed a lot in there, and I hope everyone who reads this will take those words to heart.
I recall you telling me that you were raised by not just one preacher/parent but two! How much of that aspect of your upbringing do you think has influenced the way you raised your boys?
I was raised by a single mom, who’s a missionary/evangelist, who married my bonus dad when I was nine years old. I watched their relationship and how they parented us. I formed a relationship with my dad, who was a bishop in my teen years, and he’s married to my bonus mom. I am blessed to have two sets of Christian parents. Yes, a double dose of preacher’s kid!
My parents taught me to trust and lean on God. I would definitely say I instilled those same values in my children, even though they didn’t go to church as much as I had to when I was growing up. Back then, we were at church three times a week and twice on Sundays, plus choir rehearsals on Saturdays. (LOL) But I made sure with my children that we read scripture and prayed together daily before school. I made sure they knew the books of the Bible and The Lord’s prayer. I made sure my boys had a relationship with Christ for themselves. And yes, we did attend church, just maybe not as much as we should have.
Sounds to me like you did what felt right for you and right for your children. There’s absolutely no fault in that.
What part of the writing process do you find the most challenging?
Oh, that’s a great question. For me, the most challenging part is the negative thoughts we allow to run through our minds. Am I good enough? Is this good enough? Do people really care? Will this bless someone? Is this funny? Is this relevant?
There’s a whole mental process that I went through. But I believe the biggest challenge was making sure that all of the words I used were my words. I made sure everything in there was what God told me to put in there. I even went as far as not listening to certain sermons. I made sure not to read other authors’ books during my writing process because I wanted to make sure it was genuinely all God had given to me.
You know, those negative thoughts run through the minds of every writer out there? It even has a name. They call it Imposter Syndrome. And I’m so glad you fought it back and pray you’ll continue to do so.
And speaking of fighting back, here’s where I want to ask you to tell us a bit about this exciting new release, A Big Dick and Bald Head Ain’t Worth the Hassle, and what inspired you to write it.
This book was inspired by the movie Disappearing Acts by Terry McMillan, which came out in December 2000. There was a scene in there where the ex-wife is talking to her ex-husband about their children, and his new girlfriend, who happens to be pregnant, steps into the conversation and says to him something like, “does she know it ain’t worth it.”
Most women see the red flags in this man, but you stay or think, oh, I can sleep with him, and I’ll get him to change his mind, change his ways. Then when he doesn’t change when you want him to, now you’re hurt and crying. But why? He told you and showed you exactly who he was, but you believed what you wanted.
Anyway, in the movie, the guy has a bald head, and at this time in my life, I was dating and had dated, and seemed to keep dating, guys who were all similar and all had bald heads. So, when you put it all together, the life experiences I’ve had over the last twenty-five years or so are all a collaboration. And it seems to be more than just me who keeps getting caught up by the same type of man. That correlation between the bald head and me continuing to choose the same type of men (whether they’re emotionally unavailable or physically unavailable) hit me in the head when I watched this movie, and I felt compelled to spread the word.
Why the anatomy was chosen in the title of my book is because something keeps drawing a lot of other women and me back to our type of man. There’s a connection between the anatomy part (the fun part) that a lot of women connect to the sexual being. So hence the name A Big Dick and Bald Head…
Now, the latter part of the title, …Ain’t Worth the Hassle, came about because of all the drama we women go through, all the hurt we endure, and all the pain once we get through it. After that relationship ends, you’re looking back at the situation, and you’re like, “this wasn’t worth it!”
So, this book is about my life experiences with the men I have loved and the saga that goes along with love and loss. This is not a male-bashing book. It is not a book about sex or a man-hating book, but rather it’s about women taking accountability for their part in the breakdown of the relationship or situation-ship or the newfound word, entanglement. It contains actual healing steps for a better living.
I understand the pain of believing the lie you told yourself. I, too, was once, twice, three times or more stuck on stupid.
Once again, wonderful words. I’ve read it, and I have to say, I came away with a multitude of daily mantras that I’m still repeating whenever my mind strays toward the past. Any woman would benefit from reading this book.
So, as a takeaway for other women who read this book, your biggest hope is what?
This book has healing steps in it, and I hope everyone will find something to take away and use. I hope this book blesses someone and helps them begin their healing process. I hope it helps get them on the path of taking accountability.
My heart’s desire is that this book will help to heal some hearts. Even if it’s a man seeing himself in some of the characters and saying, “yes, I’ve done that,” or “yes, I do this.” And if that’s an outcome, maybe he’ll also say to himself, “I should change my ways.” Or maybe the reader will be a woman who can begin or finish their healing process.
I pray that someone gets comfort in knowing she isn’t alone and find the steps to help her begin her healing.
The stories in this book are my true-life stories, and I pray it blesses those that need it.
Now, some will find laughter in the pages of this book, and some will find themselves in one or more of the stories. And some will see someone they know who is either going through or has gone through something similar.
This book isn’t for everyone, but it is for the ones who are willing to keep an open mind and an open heart.
I am living proof that you can grow through what you’re going through.
I love that. “You can grow through what you’re going through.” I’ll be quoting you with that one, as well as some of your others. You really have a way with words and lots of awesome advice.
I hope everyone will check out A Big Dick and Bald Head Ain’t Worth the Hassle, and when they do, they’ll no doubt want to know where else they can enjoy hearing from you, and I’d love it if you would share with us what’s on your horizon.
Starting Sunday, October 2, 2022, at 3pm EST, we will have live conversations with Sista E on 101 TKO Radio. Each week will be a different guest and a different topic. We will discuss love and relationships, how to heal and empower parents, and all the fun things that go along with parenthood.
Be sure to check us out in October, but you can enjoy other hosts and lots of music now by visiting www.101tkoradio.com. You can check out the radio station twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, from anywhere you have access to the internet. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
We also have a conference coming up where we’ll be talking to parents about how to restore their relationships to better raise their children together, even if they’re not together.
Fabulous. We’ll be checking that out and listening for you.
Sista E, thank you so very much for your time. I look forward to reading your book again and all those that come after. And I’ll be sure to tune in to 101 TKO RADIO as well.
Be sure to purchase your copy of Sista E’s new release at all major outlets starting September 3rd, 2022. You can also visit the website www.AbigDickandABaldhead.com for pre-orders starting August 20, 2022. Be sure to follow her for the latest on upcoming projects at https//:SistaE.Chat